To every. single. guest.
Hi, I'm looseseal. You don't know me, and I'm a terrible person, but you have to act like the sun shines out of my ass anyways. I think I'm going to invite myself over to your house today. Sound good? I hope you have a coffee maker, because I really need to get my caffiene fix while I fuck all of your shit up. But -- OOPS! I just spilled my espresso all over your beautiful hardwood floors!! I'll just walk away, because I'm sure this giant puddle of shitwater isn't noticeable, and its your house so you'll clean it up anyways, right? hahahaha! Now I think I want to go try on some clothes. Wow, that shirt is just so cute! And these jeans! But I don't think I want to borrow them anymore, so I'll just ball them up into a wad and toss them in a corner, because I'm disrespectful and think that everyone is my maid. Uh oh... that espresso really shot through me fast! I need to use the restroom! But where is it?!?! I know I walked right past it on my way in, but going down the hallway is just too much effort! I'll just pee on this wad of clothes. Hey, you can wash them, right? And all of this peeing and trying on clothes has made me hungry, I wonder what food you have to eat? Lets see what's in the freezer... ice cream, some pizza rolls, mozzerella sticks... I'll have all three! Oh but wait, in your pantry you have granola bars, so I'll have those instead. I'll just put all of the frozen food I don't want in your pantry, because I'm too much of a lazy fucking slob to walk two feet to the freezer and put it back myself. Well, guess its time to go now! You've been a great host. I think I'll come back again tomorrow. Have a great day!
That felt nice. I need a new job.