Archived A conversation between APPs

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I

Instockster

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Apr 16, 2012
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Instocks App: So then I said, 'Oops, go back!' and they were all like 'But this is the right aisle!'
PTM App: Bahahaha!
RF NOP: Ah, there you guys are! Hey Instocks App, I need to talk to you about something...
Instocks App: Ohh look, it's that old RF App. What's up, big guy? Item Search talking bad about you again?
PTM App: Bahahahaha!
RF NOP: What? No, no, this isn't about Item Search. Listen, I was talking to Drastic Count Report the other day--
Instocks App: Man, I hate DCR. He never agrees with me. I'm all like '0 on hand, man!' and he's all 'What? No way, check again!' Slave driving jerk. So I pass it off to Stand Alone RSCH.
RF NOP: Well, erm, I won't tell him any of that. It's just that, you give him a lot of trouble because, well, you're not carrying your own weight.
Instocks App: What! That's messed up, bro. I do so many OUTs and RIGs and RSCH, you have no idea.
RF NOP: Well what I mean is, you give him a lot of extra work because you have a tendency to not even show other locations. Sometimes you don't even beep twice! I'm not trying to make you look bad or anything, I know you're a hard worker, but you can really help out if you'd just show alternate locations instead of letting these things get zeroed out--
Instocks App: Look man, I've got stuff to do and a time limit to do it.
RF NOP: But it's after noon--
Instocks App: So why don't you go bug some of your other RF App buddies.
PTM App: Yeah, go bug some other RF Apps! Heh. RF Apps.
RF Nop: ...Right. Yeah, just think about it. See you guys around.

Do you guys ever imagine your apps or reports giving each other trouble while trying to do your job? PULL giving STO a hard time for finding too many backroom errors? Something for Pricing or POG or salesfloor? Write your own story here!
 
Instocks App: Ohh look, it's that old RF App. What's up, big guy? Item Search talking bad about you again?

RF NOP: Yeah they said i was faster than a speeding bullet! Don't worry though, I'm sure your buddy item search will return search results within 30 seconds someday, and won't have 12320 results for any search query.


Funny post, just my contribution!
 
Item Search: Hey guys, sorry it took me so long to make it. I had to go through several departments first before I could arrive. What'd I miss?
Instocks APP: Oh, not much. We were chillin' all old school like with RF NOP until he started complaining.
PTM APP: Bahahaha! 'Old' school!
Instocks APP: Uh..Item Search? Ya there, bro?
Item Search: Oh yeah? What was he going on about this time? Those silly old RF Apps are always darting around feeling insecure. I still remember the last time I hung out with SIGNT-Forced Takedown. He always wanted approval before doing anything.
Instocks APP: Oh I dunno man, some junk about locations and stuff. I'm all 'I got my hands full, dawg!' and he's all just beepin' at me. It's like a factory of camera alarms, yo. Or Jerry Springer on all the televisions in Electronics.
Item Search: ...er sorry about that, that took me a sec to get. Hey, we should hang out with Store Tie sometime. He's so much cooler than that old RF SFLM app. Oops, someone needs to know if we carry huckleberry meat. I need to go let them know that we don't carry buckles, Meet the Fockers is over in MMB, only SuperTargets and PFresh stores have blueberries..actually man I gotta go. Take it easy!
Instocks APP: Yeah, it's way after noon broski. I'm cool with that.
PTM APP: Bahahaha! He said 'cool'. Since blueberries are in the cooler.
 
Service desk register:

Receipt look-up: ...so I'm like "You bought WHAT with this card? Ain't findin' it this time!"
Refund function: Not THAT piece a s**t. Uh-oh....here comes Miss "I bought too much" with a cart-load...
Receipt look-up: Mm-mm. Catch ya later, girl.
 
PULL: This is the spot.
STO: What? Whoa whoa, wait up! What are you guys doing?
LOCU: Alright. Stand back.
STO: No, wait! Don't!
LOCU: *scans label*
STO: Dude dude dude dude! There were over 500 pre-paid cards in there!
PULL: That did it, batch is cleared. Thanks, LOCU.
LOCU: I trust he'll be cleaning up?
STO: Dude, weak, man!
 
Refund function: Menswear comin' atcha!
Smartsort: Yo, yo, yo! Don't be puttin' D-code in here!
Refund function: Well, where do you EXPECT me to put it?!
Smartsort: You can put it in yo--
Merchandise locate: Awright, just stop it right there, BOTH of you!
Refund function: Smartmouth started it....
 
Item search: on hand count says we have 8 eaches on patio chairs in a upper location.
Subt: It's a miscount, there is 2 boxes of 4 Pack of chairs. Pulling 1 box.
Locu: clearing location, the backroom tm can't count again!
Sto: putting in location correctly
Locu: Duh!
Subt: thanks guys!
Item search: confirmed corrections & helping guest
 
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Item Search Wait, you want me to look up something based on it's name and have it show the correct area that you clicked on? That's just so mind blowing, man.

iPhone Target App My overlords, please let me help you unlike that petty Item search who knows not what he(she?) does! Not only can I find out whether the item exists at a store, I can find the aisle location for it, price, DPCI, photo, and even an item description for it. When you are done deciding whether or not I can be of any assistance, I will still be here.

Item Search Wait, you are saying that there is a correct aisle location for things? Go use the Target App, I'm retiring myself...
 
Return function: Awright, that's $38.48 going back on ya Visa. Ay, Photo! Ya gotta guest standin' at the kiosk!
Photo: Hmmmm wha--?
Return function: Stop lookin' at all those bikini shots & get on their order!
Photo: I was - ah - checking the color and - uh - making sure there wasn't any red eye and -uh --
Return function: Surrrrrrrrrrrrrrre you were.... Perv.
 
Nop:Not sure -- check item search
Toggle Key:I don't believe you are who you say you are -- so I'm logging you out now.
ME:But I've been using Nop for hours.
Toggle Key:Too Bad
Item Search:Yea but no but, yea but no, yea but no, network not found
 
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I was watching soap operas in the breakroom during my lunch and breaks today, and got inspired for a little melodrama!!!




PUSH Sto and Nop?

STO go ahead

NOP yo........

PUSH I must warn you guys I am susceptable to flattery...maybe the person that writes me the most great team cards could get the benefit of the doubt on tomorrows truck freight...like our numbers say 2000 push and 1000 backstock...but what if say Nop puts me on that GTC time, and the truck turns out to actually be 800 push 2200 backstock...food for thought.

STO You have piqued my interest, I am heading up to TSC right now!

NOP Good thing I know how to report unethical business practices...I keep a copy of the integrity hotline brochure in a safe deposit box and I got the 1-800 on speed dial! Saved to my phones memory AND sim card...

PUSH But I'm on final warning!!! When target says final warning, they really mean it! I only have 50,000,000 chances left before my position with the company is terminated!

STO FML, my moral bankruptcy is why I was exiled into the backroom in the first place. I have a drinking and gambling problem too, I binge on archer farms energy drinks and I get cash buying things on my Redcard and selling it off 50 cents on the dollar, I then gamble that cash on target stocks. If the price goes up, I sell for profit, if the stock price dives, I borrow target stock from an investor and I short it. I know I have a problem, I haven't paid capital gains tax in over 3 years........But go ahead and report me NOP, it's for my development. I want my old life back, you know, when I could hit that end work button, and look at myself in the mirror at home...

NOP LOOK GUYS....I'm not reporting anything. THERE IS A HIGH LEVEL OF TRUST ON OUR TEAM. I think both of you would STRONGLY AGREE WITH THAT. Besides, you would both end up in the department of "corrections" and well they just teach you how to be a better criminal.

They don't correct, they don't teach you why your crimes are wrong. Sometimes I think there isn't even any justice in the criminal justice system, I mean look at our flawed corrective actions. We bust trash everyday for NCNS or disrespecting executives, and they're back in the planograms 6 months later and we're starting all over with verbals...and then the nice lady from softlines doesn't sign out keys ONE FRIGGIN TIME in 20 years, and she gets 25 to an L...at her age...she'll never work a day in retail again. How is that right, tell me. TELL ME!

But like I said, this is a Team Building Experience...now STO

STO Who...who are you?

NOP Look, I haven't been exactly forthecoming in my identity...I'm also a volunteer crossing guard. Target offers a lot of meaningfull opportunities to volunteer in your community (under his breath "i mean we all pretty much work for free here anyways/") I will hook you up with the info. But for right now, Partner up with Push and go get a 6=8 giant rolls pack of UP and UP bathroom tissue.

PUSH Why?

NOP We are going to have a mummy wrapping contest. Technically I should report you two, but I won't, the work we do here at SPOT does funny things to an applications head, and you guys are all that I got. So I'm just as guilty as you two. But we are going to wrap ourselves up from head to toe as one giant mummy. Symbolically, it's a beautiful fast, fun, and friendly union of three souls into one. It's a metamorphosis, we begin as larvae with original opportunity, unworthy of an Outstanding on any review. But we bury our secret further with each passing of the bathroom tissue roll, and we make a cacoon of sorts. When we emerge, we shall be like new, one vision, one voice, one TEAM, we shall be beautiful butterflies! We shall feast on market pantry outdates, and then we will go back to focusing on our core roles.

PUSH I have never had any employer do something so beautiful and touching. I mean sure, on undercover boss the companies give their employees combo packages worth sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars, but that is so cheap and shallow... I was wondering how anything could ever outdue the Target water bottle I recieved after 10 years of service. Now I needn't wonder.

STO I am inspired and hopefilled, not only am I seeking out volunteer opportunities posted at TSC, but I am taking advantage of LifeResources to get myself the help I know I need. I'm so sorry, I've wanted to for years, but I felt like I was unworthy to be helped, I believed that I could not be saved after I let backroom location accuracy go to red back in 2001. It was so much pressure, I always had to be first in the district and then I snapped. My pride got in the way, I knew there was counseling available through liferesources as well as open doors in ANY of my executives offices. I see now that was wrong. Isn't life swell?

PUSH YESSSSSSSSSS. Great Team Card to NOP

NOP GREAT TEAM CARD TO ALL!!!!!!!!!!

STO (to himself) hmmmmm would it be so bad for me to exploit this during a "tell me about a time" interview........(wicked laughter) hahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 
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LOCU: Alright guys, season's over. Everybody clear out!
Easter Candy: Oh, alright..
Easter Toys: It was fun while it lasted! Let's go, peeps!
Easter Peeps: Yeah, yeah, I'm comin'.
LOCU: Come on! Into the basket! GO GO GO GO!
Wilson Icing: Wait! I'm still active and on planogram!
LOCU: Save it for the Pricing Team, maggot! MOVE!
Wilson Icing: You can't do this to meeee----!
 
Return function: Uh-oh....
Receipt look-up: S'up?
Return function: She's headin' for a breakdown. Guest has a registry item but it's not recognizing it.
Gift registry return: Yes, you can return it; no, you can't; yes, you can; no, you can't; yesyoucan; noyoucan't; yesyoucan; noyoucan't; yesyoucan; noyoucan't; yesyoucan; noyoucan't...SYSTEM CRASH - REBOOT.
No receipt return: 'Aat's my cue....See ya license, please?
Gift registry return: I need a drink....
 
RF RAIN: RESEARCH IS NEEDED, TOGGLE TO RSCH. (Shift, 7, enter).
RF NOP: And they say -I'm- out of the times..
 
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Scanner: Kleenex, grapes, Glade (qty 4), scan gift card, Glade (qty 4), scan gift card....
Register: Whazzat? Limit of FOUR on the Glade, dude!
Scanner: Crest Teeth whitening, Tide detergent (qty 6), coupons applied....
Register: I SAID limit FOUR! And all these coupons!? WTF?!
Scanner: Coupon scanned, item not found. Override...
Register: Of COURSE it's 'not found'! Observe the LIMITS!!
Scanner: Coupon scanned, item not found. Override...
Register: You're seriously pissing me OFF here!
Scanner: Coupon scanned, item not found. Override...
Register: DON'T DO THIS!!!
Scanner: Coupon scanned, item not found. Over-
Register: *THE SYSTEM HAS ENCOUNTERED A PROBLEM AND NEEDS TO SHUT DOWN. REBOOT IN PROGRESS.*
Scanner: ????
Card Reader: *blurgle*
Register: I warned you....
 
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Item Search: Yo! Where are my peeps at?!
NOP: ...
UPCS: ...
Instocks: ...
PTM: ...
Stand Alone RSCH: ...
Stand Alone OUTs: ....
Stand Alone EXF: ...
SIGN: ...
RF APPS: I'm still here!
Target HQ: not for long. Muahahahah!
Item Search: *cries* it's not the same!!!!
 
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