Archived Guest stereotypes

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the I will walk down to the other side of the registers because there is one guest in each of the 3 lines on grocery side….and they get to the other side and they get behind a guest with MORE stuff. Really it would have taken less time to just wait in the miniscule line

the can someone please find me a different size/color/style of this…..more often than not it's right outside of the fitting room.

on the kids screaming, screeching, wailing issue: most of the kids that are hollering in my new store are just at the end of their rope and calm down quickly. We have about once a week the parents who continue their hour long shopping trip with their kids. Those parents I want to shove down a sewer pipe. The others I have sympathy/empathy for and will try and help out. More often that not the kids will stop hollering if a stranger talks to them so I ask the kids if it's been one of those days, is it nap time, or something else that will take their mind off whatever the heck they were bellyaching about.

The use the phone as a babysitter crowd….I want to tell them (especially the sanctimonious ones who say they don't let their kids watch tv) that you are doing your children and yourself a disservice. Being in a store shopping is a great time to interact with your kids and have your kids learn some social skills.
 
Depends, is stupidity a commodity? I can direct you to infinite amounts of stupidity. Not sure it'd sell very well though so calling it merchandise might be a stretch.
 
"Where are the bags for my wet umbrella???? I am sooooooo pissed!!!"

Sorry sir, we are out of them but I have a tissue if you're going to start crying...

(I wish...)
 
1. The I had my kids party and am now returning the items that are crusted with food Soccer mom.

2. The I bought it yesterday, 15 year's ago.

3. I never opened it, melted ceran wrap on a DVD do it yourselfer.

4. I paid 60 but your only giving me $59.99 one Cent wounder.

5. I'm returning this, I thought it was on sale is the only reason I bought it. 40 cents off $10 Die hard.

6. Can I even exchange my wife's baby shower cloths for an iPad Dad Needs a me day for the rest of his life.

7. This is the right price Hamburglar of wrong price tags.

8. My chicken is my service animal Old McDonald had a lot of anxiety issues apparently.

9. I guess it's free the its free till you get 3 seconds out the door and then Your not so free yourself the Smart ass hipster

10. You don't know how to do your job the know it all who has no retail experience the sit on the sofa lifer.
 
I think the people that walk up to you and ask you if you work here when you have your name tag on are annoying. I also get annoyed when a prick guest walks up to me and looks at my name tag and tries to act like they know me or we're friends and say stupid shit. I get mad when they say shit like "so Jack are you going to be able to save me money". Do I look like I give a fuck?
 
the "oh, you're done ringing me up, let's have a lovely prolonged chat before i pay, i HATE when my cashiers get halfway decent speed scores!"

oh my god. i don't even mind chatting with a guest, but PLEASE. PAY YOUR BILL. i get such good streaks going and then.
 
The "I Think You May be a Cult Leader"

I'm talking like super duper religious people who hand out pamphlets for their "church". We have a few. One guy gave me a twenty minute sermon one time. I don't want to be the stereotypical asshole atheist but come on dude, I got shit to do.
 
The last time I had religious tracts shoved at me across my counter, I turned around & promptly dropped them in the trash.
"You didn't even read them!" the couple protested.
"You didn't even ask if I subscribed to your branch of religion. Never assume."
 
The optimists. These people truly believe where there's a will there's a way. You know those ones. You try to help them find something, but the stores out of stock with nothing on the way, and no one in the district has it either. When you tell them the news they stare at you awkwardly waiting for a better answer. You tell them it's available online and they tell you "oh that won't work I need it today." Then they stare awkwardly again waiting for a different answer. They just won't accept the fact that something is out of stock, and they think you are a sorcerer who can spawn items out of thin air.
 
The App-heads. These people will always ask you to call another store. The thing is that these guys also will always have a phone glued to their hand. But they only use it for gaming apps/internet porn and they've forgotten the smartphone is indeed a working phone. Do not suggest Target.com or offer to give the store phone number because you will be tagged as lazy right away.
 
Or how bout the non-believer. She just DOES NOT trust you about any thing at all ever. You're just...so stupid. Why would she trust you? But of course she'll always ask your opinion first!
"Excuse me I'm looking for (insert ridiculous item here) where would I find that?"
"Oh you know what we don't carry that at Target but let me search and double check....Hmmm no results in store OR online. I'm sorry I've never seen it here before."
"Well that's weird! Doesn't sound right I'll just go check!!"
 
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The "entitled". Usually she. She believes implicitly that you, a mere retail employee, could not possibly grasp how incredibly important it is for her to have her fiber one cereal bars. Now. She believes that she's safely imbedded in the middle class and will never have to be polite to someone like me. I have a kernel of wisdom. Karma.
 
speak-to-a-manager-haircut.jpg
 
TTOBRTM you can't just leave dairy pulls sitting on top of the empty milk crates. I'm getting real tired of your bullshit.
 
To me, the worst is the old cunt. The one who feels that since she's old, she can be as big of a bitch as she'd like. The one with the permanent scowl on her face, always dressed like she just got out of church, and looks at things for far too long before deciding she doesn't want them. Her shopping cart is usually 10-20% full, and that's because her husband likely kicked the bucket because he couldn't handle her bitchiness any longer, so she's only shopping for one. Her grandkids sure as fuck don't visit her. She shops at every single grocery store around because she wants to make an impact with her cuntitude. She wants to expose as many poor retail employees as possible to her dreadful face and personality.

tldr; fuck rude old people
 
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