To the guest that came in on Christmas Eve wanting to buy Scotch tape, I give you this:
An Ode to a Terrible Person
Okay, I remembered another story.
Twas the night before Christmas, in 20-eleven;
Lots of TMs were stirring, I'd been at work since 7!
The shelves were being zoned with the utmost care,
In hopes that the guests would leave soon, and we would too from there.
But in the office supplies arose such a clatter,
I ran to the guest, to see what was the matter
"WHERE THE F**K IS THE F**KING TAPE, YOU STUPID A$$H**E!?" the angry woman did shout
"I'VE GOT S**T TO WRAP, MOTHERF**KER, I NEED IT RIGHT NOW!" (she began to pout);
"I'll have to ask around" I said with remorse,
"You came in on Christmas Eve looking for tape, which I'm sure we are out of (of course!)"
Five minutes went by, then over the walkie a TM called
"We've been out of tape all day, but we'll search from wall to wall!"
We ran down the aisles, looking high and low,
But no tape was found for this stupid a$$ ho!
The guest got fed up and said "F**K IT! I'M NEVER COMING TO THIS STORE AGAIN, I'LL GO TO WAL-MART!"
"Goodbye!" said everyone to the old wrinkled fart,
The team members shouted and jumped for joy,
hoping the guest wouldn't be back to annoy!
As all the team finished their zone,
they all got their bonuses and headed for home.
And we heard the crabby guest scream out into the night
"F**K this Target, they really bite!"
True story.