Archived Guests Say the Darndest Things...

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OyeShopgirl

Joined
Dec 7, 2012
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We've all had those experiences where a guest will say or do something that really makes you wonder if you're not part of some prank, a joke, an impromptu skit, or if you've finally lost your mind and are hallucinating the whole thing.

Sometimes they make you laugh, sometimes you want to cry, you almost always want to go , "WTF?"

This one made me really struggle to not laugh out loud...

Guests, a man and a woman, come up to my checklane, with a little girl who is around 4 or 5. Really nice couple, real cute kid, and very well-mannered, to boot.

They buy her a plastic toy dinosaur.

Toward the end of the transaction, I overhear:

Little girl: *proudly displaying dinosaur and grinning ear-to-ear*: " Mommy! Mommy! Guess what THIS is on the dinosaur!"

*makes grand sweeping motion with free hand and arm, starting at dino's neck and progressing out until her arm is completely outstretched*

Mother: *sweetly, mystified*: "What is it honey?"

Little girl *gleefully*: "BLOOD SPRAYING EVERYWHERE!!!"

Mother *concerned*"Why...what? Why would he be bleeding...???"

(Pan to dad cracking up)

Draw your own conclusions, everyone.
 
So if any of you all have a "just when you think you've heard 'em all" that really sticks out in your mind....
 
Recently we got an overzealous woman at the service desk-
(this woman was in her mid 50's and alittle on the larger side, wearing pounds of makeup)
Another SD TM was talking with her and doing a simple return and missed one item she wanted to return- it went alittle something like this.

TM- oh! im so sorry i forgot to return this one, let me do this fast!

Lady- oh, thats ok, this happens a lot, especially when I'm talking to men. People get distracted by me often.

TM- *Puts smile on face* Have a great afternoon!
*Turns around and cracks up laughing with me*
 
Sounds like a potential for some unintentionally dry humor....

For some reason ( this will likely only make sense to people who have seen certain BBC shows ) I immediately think of Hyacinth Bucket from "Keeping Up Appearances", or of "Dame Edna"....

At my store we have an overflow of guests who...eh....think rather highly of themselves, but that's typically because they married an athlete or have a certain amount of followers on Twitter...
 
redeye58 said:
The well-dressed woman whose son accidently knocked some shirts off a rack, when he picked them up & hung them back up:
"Chaz, LEAVE those! They have people to take care of that stuff!"
Click to expand...

One of my fellow TMs was actually described as being like the maid said messy/offending family had at home. The TM was very offended and hearing about it made me sick to my stomach. Target doesn't pay us enough to deal with this crap.
 
OK...

Gotta include on this thread the elderly lady who always, I mean ALWAYS, has jokes, when she comes through the checklanes...

Whether it's the virtually prehistoric joke about the guy who stumbles halfway home from the bar in a drunken stupor, only to find a blue ribbon in a very....delicate ( ??? ) place when he awakens, to the crass inquiries that go as such:

"hey! You guys got balls? Do ya? 'Cuz my son's takin' up tennis! Yeah! So I guess I need to find out where I can find a guy's balls, and I'm in a hurry..."

Oh yeah. Out loud. For all to see. She gets a huge kick out of it, and I gotta say, so do I....

Immaturity: No longer the sole province of the young...
 
I work at a Super Target:

Me: "Hi there, can I help you ma'am?"
Lady: "Hey yeah I gotta question fer ya."
Me: "Okay, well maybe I have an answer. *chuckle* How can I help?"
Lady: "Is this one-a them grocery Target Stores or is it an electronics Target store?"
Me: *serious* "Uhm... What?"
Lady: "You know, one of those Targets with the groceries or electronics? They have both ya know."
Me: "Well, uh, ma'am, this is a Super Target, we carry electronics, groceries, clothes, etc. Is there anything in particular you were wanting to know about?"
Lady: "I don't think you know what you're talking about boy. We are going to take our business to the other Target store next door."

SHE WALKED OUT THE DOOR AND WENT DOWN TO THE ELECTRONICS END AND HAD THIS SAME CONVERSATION WITH A TM IN ELECTRONICS!!!!

:facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:
 
Last edited:
And one that actually made me laugh a lot. :)

A couple and their little boy come into Food Ave:

Me: *to the little boy's parents* "Hi there, what can I get you?"
*parents nudge the boy to the counter*
Parents: "Go on sweetie, tell the nice man what you want."
Little boy: *very matter-of-factly* "I want a small ICEE."
Parents: "Is that all you say?"
Little boy: *bangs down on the counter* "And make it snappy!"

I thought mom was just gonna fall in the floor she got so embarrassed.
Dad couldn't stop laughing... well, I guess he did when he and the Mrs. had a talk after they left, lol.

:excited:
 
A guest has just finished adding sugar & cream to her coffee while her 4-yr-old in the cart is saying: "Coffee! Coffee! I want coffee!"
The mom stopped to talk to another mom she knew while the kid began yelling: "Coffeeeeee! I WANT COFFEEEEE!"
Older man at the counter says: "You & me both, kid...."
 
redeye58 said:
A guest has just finished adding sugar & cream to her coffee while her 4-yr-old in the cart is saying: "Coffee! Coffee! I want coffee!"
The mom stopped to talk to another mom she knew while the kid began yelling: "Coffeeeeee! I WANT COFFEEEEE!"
Older man at the counter says: "You & me both, kid...."
Click to expand...

And at my store, this is when "clueless overindulgent soccer mom" would give in to "Junior"'s demands and promptly buy him a Venti Carmel Macchiato....:mda:
 
Bored Food Aver said:
I work at a Super Target:

Me: "Hi there, can I help you ma'am?"
Lady: "Hey yeah I gotta question fer ya."
Me: "Okay, well maybe I have an answer. *chuckle* How can I help?"
Lady: "Is this one-a them grocery Target Stores or is it an electronics Target store?"
Me: *serious* "Uhm... What?"
Lady: "You know, one of those Targets with the groceries or electronics? They have both ya know."
Me: "Well, uh, ma'am, this is a Super Target, we carry electronics, groceries, clothes, etc. Is there anything in particular you were wanting to know about?"
Lady: "I don't think you know what you're talking about boy. We are going to take our business to the other Target store next door."

SHE WALKED OUT THE DOOR AND WENT DOWN TO THE ELECTRONICS END AND HAD THIS SAME CONVERSATION WITH A TM IN ELECTRONICS!!!!

:facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:
Click to expand...

At least she didn't ask about the 3'rd Target :p

dxqCzlu.jpg
 

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ap215 said:
Bored Food Aver said:
I work at a Super Target:

Me: "Hi there, can I help you ma'am?"
Lady: "Hey yeah I gotta question fer ya."
Me: "Okay, well maybe I have an answer. *chuckle* How can I help?"
Lady: "Is this one-a them grocery Target Stores or is it an electronics Target store?"
Me: *serious* "Uhm... What?"
Lady: "You know, one of those Targets with the groceries or electronics? They have both ya know."
Me: "Well, uh, ma'am, this is a Super Target, we carry electronics, groceries, clothes, etc. Is there anything in particular you were wanting to know about?"
Lady: "I don't think you know what you're talking about boy. We are going to take our business to the other Target store next door."

SHE WALKED OUT THE DOOR AND WENT DOWN TO THE ELECTRONICS END AND HAD THIS SAME CONVERSATION WITH A TM IN ELECTRONICS!!!!

:facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:
Click to expand...

At least she didn't ask about the 3'rd Target :p

dxqCzlu.jpg
Click to expand...

I'm glad we don't have an outdoor garden center! :)
 
daninnj said:
I posted this before but I'll post it again.

Mom with 4 year old kid in cart comes into Pfresh while I'm stocking something. Kid stares at me for a while and says "Mommy, is that my daddy?"
Click to expand...

I've got to ask, did you respond, or just give a weird look?
 
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