Archived Guests Say the Darndest Things...

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Just today...

I ring an older lady up and her total comes to $17.18. She wants to pay with two gift cards...

Me: "Which gift card do you want to me to scan first?"
Guest: "THIS one."
[I scan it, and the transaction completes]
Me: "Looks like you had enough to cover the entire transaction. You have $2.82 remaining on this gift card."
Guest: "That can't be right."
Me: "Oh, did you think you had more?"
Guest: "No, I should have only had $3.00 on there."
[I figure she mixed up the gift cards, so I Price Inquiry the 2nd one]
Me: "Oh, it looks like this other gift card has $3.63 on it. If you'd like, I can combine these both into one, to make it easier for next time."
Guest: "I'm confused."
Me: "I can put everything on one single card, giving you a total of $6.45 and just one card to carry around."
Guest: "No, I'm confused about the first gift card."
Me: "The one with $2.82 left on it?"
Guest: "Yes. So I owe you $2.82?"
Me: "No, you still have $2.82 left to spend on this card."
Guest: "That can't be."
[At this point, I thought the lady waiting behind her was going to shake this guest]
Me: "Well, you originally had $20 on the gift card, and after spending $17.18, you still have $2.82 remaining."
Guest: [confused look still] "Oh. I think I understand. Bye."

As soon as she left, the lady behind her says to me, "You were WAY more patient with her than I would have been."
 
pzychopopgroove said:
first one from the liquor store


"Hello ma'am do you have an (store) card today?"

she gives me the phone number

the name that comes up, obviously male.

me, not thinking: "under adam?"
(not the real name)

she replies "i will be tonight"
Click to expand...

This is kind of like when I tell a guest "Have a good night/weekend" when they've just picked up Cialis/Levitra/Viagra and they tell me "I plan on it":spiteful:
 
Here's one of my favorites

Guest comes up to the boat: Which one of these cameras takes pictures!!
All serious too and he didn't mean video he legit meant pictures

This one pissed me off the other day
Guest: Do you guys sell the cables that connect to the cables
Me: Which cable are you looking for?
Guest : the CABLE THAT CONNECTS to the CABLE
I tried showing her different cables we carried but not till like 10 min later I find out she was talking about a converter box! Me and our target mobile were so annoyed
 
Retail Girl said:
Guest bringing up a clearance skirt from the girls' department: I found this on the floor. Can I get a discount for that?

*sigh*
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"yes, you wannabe ugly hipster. you can get a discount. the normal price is 9.99 for the skirt, but your discount is a whole whopping penny. bringing your price all the way down to 9.98 today. will that be cash, debit, credit, or the obscenely insane high interest rate on the target credit card, which is designed in a way that you will be in debt to target until your great great great grandchildren die of severe malnutrition due to paying every penny, and then some, that you incurred for paying $9.98 for a scarf i wouldn't pull out of my ass and put on a dying dog"
 
Retail Girl said:
Guest bringing up a clearance skirt from the girls' department: I found this on the floor. Can I get a discount for that?

*sigh*
Click to expand...

Also, that'd be like me asking for a discount on a case of beer because i thought about how drunk i can be on said case within 45 minutes of a purchase. Complete fucking bullshit.
 
Also while I was zoning out in Pfresh some buff (His arms were as big as my head) Jamacian dude comes up to me and asks me with his accent "Excuse me, where is the lubricant?" I'm caught off guard and ask him "For what?" "For you know, pleasure." Being a gentleman, I walk him over to the aisle. He was definitely smiling the whole time. If I wasn't taken I would have asked him if he needed help picking one out.
 
My first day on the job, last year during my seasonal employment, I answered the phone--everyone else was busy.
A girl with a valley accent (like, OMG, so totally, like, valley) asks if she can return a game.
The conversation goes a bit like this:
Her: "Hi, so like, I just got Black Ops 4 and I was wondering if I could return it?"
Me: "Let me see if I can assist you with that, what seems to be the problem?"
Her: "Well, I just don't like it. It looks crappy."
Me: "Oh, well, have you messed around with the graphics settings? How about the television?"
Her: "Well YAH I have, these graphics look like s***. I wanna return it."
Me: "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but unless there is a problem, like the disc being scratched when you opened it, I cannot return it for you."
Her: "OMG you are being SO RUDE. Get your manager on the line right now so I can report you!"

At that point I get the manager, who then laughs at her on the phone and explains that no, she cannot return the game that had no malfunctions, just because she thought the graphics were bad.

Needless to say, I thought it was pretty funny.
 
I think I dealt with her brother at SD one time.
Dude was returning a PS3 game saying "Um, yeh....like, it wouldn't load or something..." I offered an exchange but he wanted a 'different' game. I told him I could only exchange it for the same exact game so he said "Yeh, ok."
When he brought it up, he was VERY disappointed when I tore off the wrap & security stickers before handing it to him.
 
redeye58 said:
I think I dealt with her brother at SD one time.
Dude was returning a PS3 game saying "Um, yeh....like, it wouldn't load or something..." I offered an exchange but he wanted a 'different' game. I told him I could only exchange it for the same exact game so he said "Yeh, ok."
When he brought it up, he was VERY disappointed when I tore off the wrap & security stickers before handing it to him.
Click to expand...
Smiling red!
 
About a month ago, I was on register and ringing up a young-ish couple. There was a couple behind them who had a young boy, around 7 or 8 years old. Anyway, I had started a conversation with the couple I was ringing up, and the couple behind them joined in, and we were all having a good time when the couple I was ringing up told us all that they had recently gotten married. The couple behind them and I were like, "Oh my gosh! Congratulations!" The little boy then looked right at them and went, "I bet you had a great night!" Everyone started cracking up. Definitely one of the most hilarious things I've heard on the job!
 
I wrote this up on the old board but it might not be here so I'll put it here. This happened around 09 I think.

I'm stocking dairy in the Pfresh endcap and an older lady comes up to me.

Her: "HEY! You're on the website!"
Me: "Umm... what website?"
H: "The most wanted website!"
M: "America's most wanted?"
H: "No, INTERPOL!"
M: "Uhhhh..."
H: "Have you ever lived in Canada?"
M: "Uh, no"
H: "How long have you lived here?"
M: (I'm guessing she meant the city I live in) "Uh, three years?"
H: "Well there's a guy on INTERPOL's website that looks just like you. I'll show you a picture next time I'm in."
M: "uh... okay"

Needless to say that was the last day before a three month LOA. Hope she came in looking for me. I did go on the website and spent an hour or two looking through all the men from Canada or the US on there. I didn't find anyone as sexy as me.
 
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