Just Joking Around: Fake Positions

[YoNanas]

ETL-Water Closet Management

You know, makes sure the restrooms are clean with needed supplies ready, since the thing still goes over the walkie at about half hour into the hour and since the BA position got eliminated

 

[starmaster1000]

At this time of year: Behind Guest Service Team Leader.

He/she will have the following reports:

OPUTM
SFSTM
DUTM

 

[Far from newbie]

Break TM - Sole purpose is to cover breaks for single or multiple departments depending on store volume. Minimally trained in every department to at least not be a danger to guests or cause damage.

THIS SERIOUSLE NEEDS TO BE CREATED !!!! Great idea.

 

[Far from newbie]

Fixture Room ETL or TL: sits in the locked fixture room all day and hands out any and all needed fixtures to keep the room organized, clean, and safe. Also prints labels on the computer for team members so the printer does not jam or break and paper is not wasted.

Shipper TL: responsible for setting/placing ALL incoming shippers onto the sales floors as soon as they arrive. Eliminates empty shippers in a timely manner.

These two have been my Christmas and Birthday wishes !
I really think these positions would increase productivity and moral.

 

[Far from newbie]

BEETL - Break Enforcement ETL. They sit in the breakroom and time all TM's breaks.

I would contribute to their paycheck for doing that for me

 

[Far from newbie]

ETL-PD:
That one team member who's always borrowing a MyDevice or PDA, says they need but really doesnt, says theyll bring it back in 2 minutes but doesn't return it, (sometimes will borrow without your permission if left sitting on your vehicle and you're not looking) and if confronted will say they don't have it because they let someone else use it, in reality, it's in their pocket.

Oh, sorry, that could be me. But on the bright side, I have another title for my resume. Thanks...again.

 

[Far from newbie]

ETL-0:
Works at a shitty store. Tries to be a hero and improve said shitty store. Points out fatal flaws in operation standards and practices. Has many ideas and suggestions on how to fix said flaws, but to no avail. He goes unnoticed, just like the fire extinguisher that isn't secured right and could explode on impact if dropped, he is viewed by the overlords as scum and as such is punished with low hours and high reshop.

Sigh. The only ETL position i’m Qualified for.

 

[Far from newbie]

Last but not least:
ETL TM-ETL:
The new guy who's been here for precisely two weeks. That's right two weeks. He has that charming douche bag attitude combined with the right amount of Know-It-All camaderie. Said to be rolling out just short of the fourth quarter of 2018, this guy thinks he's the boss and refuses to provide any work-critical assistance and if you are a dude will always respond to you with "yes mam" followed by a few bad jokes we haven't heard since elementary (possible middle) school. It is said this guy is setting out to be the most popular guy in school. And it shows. Better watch out, He is superior to you, even if you are an stl. 😂

Every store must already have this one, but labeling as such makes them easier to avoid.

 

[Far from newbie]

This one is real, I speak from experience, and it sucks balls harder than a dyson.

If you were a fully end to end trained tm, I actually think this position it would be easy. Cover a cashier, go to guest service for 15, answer phones for 15, then 30 minutes covering a flex lunch. Coverage is consistent for each workcenter and the day would go by quickly. The only drawback for me: the 15 min. in electronics is simply repeating 45 times to guests “The electronics tm is on break, please do other shopping and come back in 5/10 minutes for assistance”.

Caveat - this eliminates the break room etl cause you would already know if the covered tm was gone longer than 15 minutes cause your coverage schedule would be thrown off.
This would need to be a TL position so you could coach and document the extended breaks.

 

[Far from newbie]

Fixture room clerk: Responsible for organization and receipt of fixtures. No one else is allowed in. They tell you what they need or give you a bill of materials and you get it for them.

YES PLEASE. Like at an auto repair at a car dealership, works for them.....

 

[Far from newbie]

A job that should come with a tip jar.

I would give willingly.

 

[Kartman]

Nine posts in a row?

 

[GoodyNN]

Nine posts in a row?

Someone just doesn't know how to use +Quote, probably.

 

[Far from newbie]

Oops. Sorry. Was pretty far behind and kept reading good stuff. Thought I was done, then...oh! Another good one !!! Lots to say today I guess.

 

[starmaster1000]

I liked all the posts for notifications revenge. JK

 

[starmaster1000]

Someone just doesn't know how to use +Quote, probably.

ETL-TBR: Totally underground position. Their office is only accessible through the utility panel in the handicap stall.

 

[TheDailyLoader]

If you were a fully end to end trained tm, I actually think this position it would be easy. Cover a cashier, go to guest service for 15, answer phones for 15, then 30 minutes covering a flex lunch. Coverage is consistent for each workcenter and the day would go by quickly. The only drawback for me: the 15 min. in electronics is simply repeating 45 times to guests “The electronics tm is on break, please do other shopping and come back in 5/10 minutes for assistance”.

Caveat - this eliminates the break room etl cause you would already know if the covered tm was gone longer than 15 minutes cause your coverage schedule would be thrown off.
This would need to be a TL position so you could coach and document the extended breaks.

If only it were that easy, then you find out that your assigned area of work is behind by 3 weeks/12-15 truckloads and you get ripped because you're a break TM.

 

[SnowWhiteOfAnA]

Hanger Fetcher TM - makes sure the fitting room is stocked with hangers but not so overstocked that 3 hangers fall when you grab 1 because they are so tightly crammed together, and makes sure that there's neither too much nor too little of each size. During down time sorts out all the size tabs into individual labeled containers.

Mom TL - Pulls you aside for a warm brownie and a glass of milk when the crazy expectations and crazy guests push you close to your breaking point. *EOE - The job is not gender specific; applicants of all genders and nongender will be equally considered for the position.

We actually have one at our store

We have multiple Mom TL, and they're my favorites 😄

Edit: I sort the size tags when I have down time as operator/fitting room attendant 😂

 

[SnowWhiteOfAnA]

ETL-Hardass

This ETLs job is to motivate the team through fear and discipline. Constant put downs are a must. Strong vocal cords required.

Doesn't every store have at least one of these?

 

[SnowWhiteOfAnA]

'Please, sir, I want some more hours.'

^Me, at all times

 

[Kartman]

Fuck that.

 

[qmosqueen]

 

[starmaster1000]

ETL-New POS and at least 2 New POS Team Leaders

Desperately need someone getting paid top dollar to not know how to work this new piece of garbage, either.

 

[StyleMaven1]

ETL Panty Bin. Sets up velvet ropes around perfectly zoned panty bins, will take requests for size and style and deliver to guests who wait patiently in line. Any line jumpers will be tased.

 

[Tessa120]

ETL Panty Bin. Sets up velvet ropes around perfectly zoned panty bins, will take requests for size and style and deliver to guests who wait patiently in line. Any line jumpers will be tased.

And has MyCheckout, so they are bought and paid for before the grosser "guests" try and take them in the fitting room.